Vegan Key Lime Pie

I would have a more appealing picture, but I ate all the pretty pieces before I decided to do this.

I adapted this recipe from some YouTube video that had a real hot bitch in it. I doubt she was vegan.

Ingredients:
1 package of Mori-Nu Firm Silken Tofu
2 packages of Mori-Nu vanilla pudding mix (hard to find!)
1/2 cup of key lime juice (this is extremely difficult to find; however, if you can find key limes, it takes about 20 of them and have fun squeezing; regular lime juice is suitable to the average tastebud)
1 tablespoon Agave nectar (pricey, well worth it, this shit puts honey to shame)
1 8 oz container of Tofutti vegan cream cheese (don't be a fucking idiot and accidently get the garlic flavored variety)
1 vegan granola or graham cracker crust (the granola is preferable but hard to find; make your own!)

Directions:
Cut the tofu into a couple little slabs so it will easily fit into the food processor (I recommend having a 5+ cup food processor for this; if you don't, when we get to the pudding mix just continue with the rest of the recipe mixing everything in a bowl, the food processor isn't necessary after the first few steps, just easier). Blend the tofu until it is creamy and not chunky whatsoever. This will take no time at all. Add 1/2 cup of key lime juice, 1 tablespoon of Agave nectar and the vegan cream cheese to the food processor and blend it up a little more. Now just add 1/2 package of pudding mix to the food processor at a time and continue to blend. This is the step where the mix really starts to thicken up. When all of the pudding mix has been added, give the mix a little taste and adjust to your own taste buds with more lime juice or agave nectar. Pour the mix into the crust and stick it in the fridge for about 4-6 hours. Top with lime zest for extra flavor. Voila! It was really that easy. So, unless you have to squeeze the shit out of some puny key limes like me, then prep time for this is only like 5 minutes. Oh, and it's fucking delicious!

Tasty Fuckin' Spicy Sammich

Pictures soon!

Ingredients:

1/2 a slab of tempeh (multi-grain preferably)
1/4 of special sauce
1/2 avocado
Spinach
Roma tomato
Vegan pepper-jack cheese
Veganaise
Hoison sauce
Sriracha
Preferred bread

Sauce recipe:

Blend 3 parts soy sauce with 1 part Dijon mustard with a little bit of Sriracha and fresh garlic to taste.

Directions:

Fry tempeh in olive oil (always use cold-pressed oils and garlic flavored olive oil is the shit) on medium-high for about five minutes per side (until it's a nice golden brown). Reduce heat to low and pour the sauce into the pan. Simmer until most of the liquid has been absorbed by the tempeh.

Slather veganaise on one piece of bread and hoison sauce on the other. Put the tempeh, avocado, tomatoes and spinach on the sandwich and liberally apply Sriracha until your taste buds cry out to you, "No more, I'll do anything!"

Eat. Repeat.

Thanks to Swoopy for the inspiration to make this even better.

Domestic Dispute - Demo 2009

Never Released, 2009

You could accuse me of plugging for my old band, but no one comes to this blog. Here is the only studio (and by that I mean we set up some mics and a four track in our jam spot) recording we ever had (half the session got fucked on mixdown and we lost the tracks). Five tracks, five minutes. Funky jams.

PS - New band in the works when I move back home.

1 Between The Blades
2 Blake
3 Domestic Dispute
4 Gloves Off
5 Shark Week

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or be a tool

Carcinogen - Kure Demo + 3 Unreleased Tracks

Self-Released, 1992

Anyone who knows me knows that I fucking love Dystopia. This band predates Dystopia and features Dino, the vocalist/drummer of Dystopia. The remaining members are more or less a mystery and all in all, there isn't much information to be found about this group. Now most people pass them off as sounding exactly like Dystopia, which couldn't be further from the truth in my opinion. While the similarity is apparent, there is one thing present here which is very foreign to Dystopia's releases: Death Metal. This is crusty death filth sludge, plain and simple. Just imagine, let's say....Assück meets Dystopia, minus a little grind, which isn't to say the blast beats are absent. Most of you will recognize this band's work from the track, Illusion of Love, from Dystopia's final self-titled album. The track is actually a Carcinogen cover (and a song which was never released to my knowledge), which is why it sticks out as a bit odd on the album. Ok, now stop reading my babble and download this.

1 Civilized
2 Society Impotent
3 Groove Wound
4 Shitbreath
5 Brain Leech
6 Reconcile
7 Sewer System
8 Petri Dish
9 Vivisection

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Bookburner - S/T 7"

One Six Oh Records, 2008

Now, this release isn't very old whatsoever, nor is it unavailable (you can buy it HERE, and should), however, it is entirely too unknown. This 7" is sick. Some pretty straight forward grind-violence out of Pennsylvania, this is the perfect blend of the aggression which we know Despise You so well for and the mind-fuck violence of Man Is The Bastard. The best part is how they portray this splendid little blend of brutality, using a vehicle not much unlike Jenny Piccolo. That is to say, most of the songs clock in at under 20 seconds, which the major exception being Deus Machina, which is a whirling noise-scape a la Bastard Noise. The best part? This record will only take up seven and a half minutes of your life. That is if you hate it, which you won't, so you will play it over and over again.

1 Soulless Travel
2 DEA
3 Deus Machina
4 Burlap Pariah
5 Self Medicate
6 Eradicate
7 Gila Monster
8 Wonderous Life
9 Bookburner
10 Glands
11 Man Muck
12 Mono-Loser

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Face Of Death - Demo Tape

Retreat To Nowhere, 2009

Regardless of whether or not this time line works out (and it doesn't), sometime in the early 90's Godstomper, Infest and Lärm got together one night and had entirely too much fun. About twenty years the bastard child which resulted from this night of debauchery is all grown up. It goes by the name Face of Death and hails from Margate, UK.

This two-piece power violence outfit will crush your fucking skull with no regrets. This demo features ten songs, most likely in under ten minutes, alternating between brutal sludge parts heavy enough to please all you tough lil' moshers and blistering fast thrash parts that feature machine-gun like L-beats. Total circle pit madness. This is all filled out with wretched fuzz bass that's got all the right groove. The riffs are plain genius, featuring just the right blend of catchy, brutal and fast, very reminiscent of Hummingbird of Death and Backslider (who apparently were supposed to be part of a four-way split with FOD, Nothing is Over and Apeshitter this past summer, but it seems this never surfaced; correct me if I am wrong). Quite the variety of vocals here as well, which will never cease to satisfy me.

The lowdown: BUY THIS YOU FUCKER! If you claim to know anything about hardcore punk, thrash or power violence you will absolutely love this or you are a total twat. Fast. Brutal. Heavy. Catchy. This is probably my favorite demo from 2009.

8.9/10

MYSPACE

Dead Noise - 2009 Tour Tape

Self-Released, 2009

No blast beats here kiddos, but that doesn't mean this isn't just splendid. This politically charged four-piece (although I would have sworn they were a three-piece when I saw them), which hails from L.A., gives us a tape featuring ten tracks of crushing, raw D-beat, which despite being total Dis-worship has a completely refreshing sound as a result of one component of music which is often overlooked: atmosphere. Which is to say the atmosphere on this recording is completely disgusting, albeit in all the right manners, bringing visions of DIY grind and Gauze to my head. It works perfectly. It's noisy as fuck, crusty as fuck, but not too metallic, just how I like it.

The guitar work is pretty much what you would expect from this kind of release, it does what it has to do and that's about it, but the riffs are really just great. Crusty, fast, thrashy and completely distorted beyond recognition. The bassist really shines here and not because he's doing anything particularly special, but the tone is vicious. Raunchy but clear. The use of multiple vocal styles is very effective. Most of the vocals are pretty much a la Discharge, even the melodies bring that to mind, but every once in awhile you will hear wretched, noisy screams brought to you straight from the nether realm known as grindcore. Very vicious. The drumming bothers me. Its good drumming overall, as the fill work is pretty darn splendid, but I can't stand drummers who play D-beats like this. I simply prefer that cymbal to be hammering straight through the whole time, but most of you won't notice this, so it seems I'm really just searching for a complaint.

Let's face it. I'm not too fond of D-beat, I never have been and chances are I never will be. However, this is a tape I listen to almost daily, because it has so much more to offer (for example, the Crow cover is a nice finishing touch). It's disgusting! I love it! I will certainly be keeping up with this band's releases. On a side note, they are much better live and seemed pretty damn legit, if you worry about those sorts of things.

7.0/10

MYSPACE

No Less - Lessons 93-98

This is a splendid starting point for the blog, as this album, which is a partial discography, seems to be impossible to locate on the internet and for that matter in real life. If you don't know who this is, they are a shoot off of Plutocracy after the departure of Max Ward and if you don't know who Plutocracy is then I advise a healthy dose of cyanide because you don't know shit about hardcore. Featuring members of Plutocracy, Agents of Satan, Immortal Fate and Kalmex and the Riffmerchants, among many others. This is about as weird and sweet as punk gets. In other words, this shit gets you more high! Sorry about the lack of ID3 tags, I couldn't find a track listing until after I had uploaded this for a friend. Smoke a bowl and enjoy this!

Track Listing:

01 Suckaduck (Played Like A Puck)
02 Frog
03 Nothing Is Good Unless You Can Play With It
04 Framework
05 Let's Plan This Caper
06 No Less
07 Whitebread
08 Introductions No Less
09 Intro / Mammoth
10 Schragglers
11 Gin & Tonic
12 World Of Bubbles (Earl's Realm)
13 Rain In The Face
14 Buffalos Stampede
15 G.I.B. (Sgt Stadanko Vs No Less)
16 Balls Deep
17 Black Box
18 The Contortionist
19 Planet
20 1/2 % ?
21 Sneaky Kreep
22 Peace Pipe
23 Faulty Equations
24 Vera Lynn
25 Intro / Clyde's Backhoe
26 Oregon Trail
27 Greener Pastures
28 Captain Morgan's Wild Rydes
29 Bio-Gravy
30 Doom Ryde 'til El Grullense
31 Lost In The Woods
32 Snitzengruven
33 Behind The Wall Of Sleep
34 The First Structure
35 Miscellaneous Snips

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Blastbeats, Blunts and Veganarchy

in that order....posts coming soon, i'm entirely too lazy at the moment. expect tunes, articles and me ranting about marijuana.